I have so many thoughts lodged up in my head. And I don't really know where this post is going but my goal is as I type this post it will direct itself to where it needs to go. One thing I do know is where I want to start. And while it seems like this starting point has nothing to do with the potential ending point, it all relates. Trust me. It all relates because it all has to deal with life.
To start I want to talk about something called "post grad depression". I didn't even know this was a possible thing because no one informed me about it. But as a 3 month post grad I have had some time to collect my thoughts about this. It is a thing. A very real thing. And a thing I think we need to have an open dialogue about - especially with BYU grads. About half of any given BYU graduating class graduates married. While I have no experience in this field I like to make the assumption being married totally eases up the stress of making decisions. Because you already have one big decision made - who to marry. From here on out, all other big decisions are shared between you and your spouse. You carry the weight together. While I imagine this adds a new type of stress, I like to think it at least makes career decisions easier. But what about the other half of BYU graduates who graduate single?
Quick side-note: Believe me when I say marriage is not my single goal in life. It is a goal of mine yes. But is one of
goals I have. Anyway graduating single from BYU is interesting because you have to legit start thinking about big boy and big girl things by yourself. You kinda carry this entire new weight of adult life by yourself instead of getting to share it like all your married friends.
For some I am sure they handle this transition period with ease. Its not that I have had an extremely challenging time with this transition but I am not going to deny it hasn't been awkward. Because for the first time in sixteen years I am no longer a student and am in the position where I can truly pursue whatever I want. I have the opportunity to use what I know and apply it to get where I want to be in. I get to be daring or play it safe. I get to create the life I want to live. I went to Lake Powell with my sister and her family for the 4th of July this summer. My brother-in-law and I had a long chat about whats next in my life. At one point in the conversation he looked at me and said "Kyla, I think you're scared of being successful in the wrong thing." And I told him, "I think you're right." He is right.
See while I was in college I had this tab in my notes app on my iPhone. It laid out my 5 year life plan. I created it while I was a senior in high school and quite frankly I stuck to it. But it ended at graduation and I never really thought about life after.And this is why this transition has been awkward. This is why post grad depression seems to be knocking on my front door too often. And it is time for post grad depression to leave. He is no longer welcome on my doorstep let alone my front yard.
So it took me about three months to get enough perspective about this whole post grad depression ordeal. One way I decided would be helpful to get post grad depression out of my life would to make myself a student of life. In college you have so much freedom you don't even realize it. By all means you can use a simple "It's too sunny/cold outside" as an excuse to skip class and go hiking or stay bundled up inside and watch Netflix all day. I mean who really cares if you miss your Biology 101 class? So I have made myself a student of life. Such a cheesy term and so overused but it works. Starting my first big girl job has pushed me to become smarter and wiser with my time. Gotta be honest I am not sold on my current employment. It is more of a stepping stone I only semi-enjoy. I have learned in times like this what does make you happy is what you do in your free time. And when you're working Monday through Friday 9AM - 5 PM, life doesn't leave you a whole lot of time left. You have to make smart and wise decisions about those precision hours you do have to yourself. With my free time I have started doing things that do make me happy. They don't sound fun. And sometimes they aren't fun but they are the types of things I know will get me out of where I currently am to where I want to be. Yes I would rather jam out to Carly Rae Jepsen's new summer album while getting ready in the morning. But, lately I have been choosing to listen to a motivational or educational podcast that gives me a few new tips on how to better my resume or prepare for an interview. Another thing I have done is reading books again. This leads us to....
I just finished reading my first book as a post grad. I've always liked the idea of being someone who reads a lot. I love being on the "in" of a witty joke - the type of joke that is so clever you have to be well-educated to get the reference. It was this desire that motivated me to sign up for the AP Literature course my senior year of high school. Even though my eyes bled from staring at so many pages with tiny black printed ink, I thank my life angels for convincing me to sign up and stick to it. Because of AP Lit I am able to consider myself somewhat of a well-read individual. Basically, I can say I have pretty much touched every good solid classic out there. Then college started and while I tried to maintain this new developed habit of reading, I always felt guilty reading for "funzies" when I knew I needed to spend time studying or reading my textbooks. So for four years I said goodbye to leisure reading. I just finished reading Amy Poehler's Yes Please. I would say her autobiography is equally as marvelous as her performance in Baby Mama and her role as Leslie Knope in Parks and Recreation. I can't decide if it is a good thing or a bad thing how well I related to her book? I feel like a majority of the time I was reading her book through tears. Tears that were either evoked from laughing so hard or crying because the level of "relating" was at an all time ten out of ten. One thing I do know is I definitely read her book with a pen in hand. Maybe it is just the former business student coming out of me but I can't read something without a pen in hand ready to mark whatever jumps out at me. Although I legit marked up half of what inspirational ish that came out of Amy's mouth, I keep coming back to what she said in the preface,
"I believe great people do things before they are ready"
I read this line and life suddenly makes sense again. I read this line and my fears leave. I read this line and I am reminded now is the time I get to create the life I want to live.
Be daring. Travel the world and see things. Be free and be bold. Take your time. Don't rush. Do whatever your heart desires. If obstacles stand in your way, find a way around them. After all, this is a life you want for yourself — no one else. You must create the life you want to live. xx,
I doubt this post made sense to most of you. But for the few who followed it through to the end I congratulate you. If you were here in real life I would pat you on the back and say "well done my friend."
The photo above was taken on my graduation day by a professional BYU photographer. I was looking up to my mom and dad with so much excitement and happiness when he snapped the photo. In that moment I knew I would see the photo somewhere, it just felt right. Little did I know the photo would appear in the Marriott Alumni Magazine and be plastered all over the Marriott School of Management website. Honestly I find the photo a bit ironic. To the outside eye the girl in the photo really looks like she knows what she is doing with her life. She is everything BYU wants a young woman to be. But if you truly read this post you would know I am just trying my best to figure it out as I go along just like everyone else. Lesson of the post: don't judge/compare a book by it's cover, there is always more to the story than what meets the eye. P.S.S.S. This "p.s.s.s." is being added to the post after the post's initial debut. My mom informed me I ended things a bit too abruptly. While I agree more could have been said, thats the beauty of how it ends - more doesn't need to be said. But for those of you who want the sparknotes version of the story that clears up any confusion, here you go.... It's okay if you don't know what you are doing with life right away. Great people do things before they are ready - before they know. The end.